Draft Day Dreams

Here's a dream I had last night that pretty much sums up being a Falcons and Hawks fan right now:

It's NFL Draft Day, and most of my sports fan friends and I have procured tickets to the draft. In addition to the usual draft setup, there is a 50-yard football field in the middle of the room. The draft now has a ceremonial kickoff, where members of the teams picking 2-12 kick off to the team with the number one pick. It's basically just for show, and then every team kneels the ball while their front office makes the selection. Well, at this draft the Dolphins botch the kickoff and somehow the Falcons recover, meaning the Falcons get the first kick. Everyone goes crazy, we keep talking about how we could have had as low as the fifth pick if we lost the coin flip, and get excited about Darren McFadden or at the very least Jake Long or Matt Ryan. Then it gets interesting.

Instead of kneeling the ball, the Falcons begin running plays. First they run the ball with Warrick Dunn, which confuses everyone but we assume it was a final carry type deal before taking Run-DMC. Then we throw the ball. Twice. Both plays almost got intercepted, and Falcons fans are hyperventilating while everyone else in attendance looks on with a terrible combination of glee, confusion and pity, like they are watching an 80-year old man boxing a kangaroo. Finally, instead of just making the pick, the Falcons go for it on fourth down. Harrington gets flushed out of the pocket, starts running backwards and falls down with the ball in the endzone. He crawls backwards and gets one inch from a safety before someone falls on him.

I'm not sure what the safety would have meant for our draft pick, but we know that turning the ball over on downs means a team either loses a pick or goes back to their original pick if there was trade or kickoff recovery. As we begin to panic, word comes over the PA system and big screen that they are reviewing whether the Falcons got the pick in on time, seconds before the Dolphins downed Harrington for the safety. After a tense couple of minutes, they announce that the pick was sent in time and the Falcons keep their number one selection - who turns out to be cornerback with character issues named Dave Dubious. He was expected to go with the 7th-9th pick. We become catatonic at the stupidity of this selection and slowly gather our bags and leave. When we get to the exit we see a man who works for ESPN hauling in big back of spinach, lettuce and kale. We ask him what it's for, and he replies that his job is to throw it at fans of teams that make stupid picks. Sure enough, he starts grabbing handfuls of salad and hurling them at the remaining Falcons fans as we trudge away.

What struck me about this dream was that, as surreal as parts of it were, I still woke up with a tinge doubt as to whether it had happened or not. Granted this is more the Hawk's responsibility (honestly, if it had been about the Hawks I would have had to google Dave Dubious in a panic the second I woke up), but both teams have crushed my spirits so low that my mind was able to conceive such an event happening. I can't say I'd be truly surprised if McFadden (plausibly) fell to the Falcons and we took Matt Ryan instead? And talking about Hawks drafts makes me so irrationally depressed and angry that lose the capability for human interaction if I dwell on it for too long.

What I think I'm trying to say is that if the Falcons take Matt Ryan and the Hawks miss the playoffs, then I will rely entirely on a successful season from the Braves to retain my mental health and well-being. It's all up to you, Mark Kotsay.