Sleeeeya, Bobby

Bobby Petrino's disastrous, comically short tenure with the Atlanta Falcons came to a merciful end today when he took the head coaching job that Houston Nutt held for three years too long at Arkansas. As sad as it is that a college coach jumping to the NFL (roughly a 13% success rate) who alienated every veteran on the team, juggled quarterbacks regularly and seemed utterly overwhelmed running an NFL team or being a decent human being backed out of the remaining four years on his contract, this is a glorious day for Falcons fans. It's true that Petrino never really had a chance once the Vick scenario blew up. But honestly, he couldn't have handled the season any worse. With Petrino at the helm, the Falcons cut their best defensive lineman for no real reason (other than tanking for a draft pick, but how vital can defensive lineman be on a team that starts Chris Redman at any point), benched their starting quarterback just as the team stupifyingly re-entered the playoff race, and failed to create any form of identity whatsoever.

1. DeAngelo Hall's chances of being on the team next year increase by 345%.
Let's face it, it was Petrino or DeAngelo this offseason, and there was no way Blank was firing a brand new head coach because of a player with attitude problems. So DeAngelo, the best player on the team and the most vocal member of the majority of veterans who despised Petrino was well-entrenched on a path to martyrdom. There's no guarantee we won't still trade the hopefully less-disgruntled cornerback, but this certainly lowers the odds.

2. We may not draft Brian Brohm.
If there was a sure thing in this draft, besides the Patriots pissing everyone off by getting Run-DMC with the 49ers pick, it was Petrino reuniting himself with his star Louisville quarterback. The stars couldn't have been more aligned, we desperately needed a signal-caller, Petrino was familiar with Brohm, and Brohm was already projected as a top-5 pick. I'm sorry, but nothing about Brian Brohm excites me. He runs a gimmick offense well, but not well enough to win more games than Stefan LeFors, the last star Louisville QB who is now the backup quarterback for the Edmonton Eskimos. Now, the doors are open for the Falcons to snatch Glenn Dorsey and wait on a second-round quarterback or make the logical move and trade down to acquire more picks.

3. The SEC is absolutely disgusting.
No, Arkansas will not be great next year, since McFadden will be going pro and Houston Nutt chased Mitch Mustain out of town for reasons that could only be defined by consulting the APA's diagnostic statistics manual. But Petrino has proven that he's a great college coach, and great college coaches bring great recruits, craft great offenses, and give off a great aura that makes players overachieve. With Kentucky and Vanderbilt now good and solid respectively, Brandon Cox no longer holding Auburn down, and Alabama preparing to retaliate against the Japanese, the NCAA should count SEC losses as three-fifths of a loss for BCS purposes. Fortunately, Mark Richt won't be replacing Bowden at FSU in two years. Thank you, Jimbo Fischer.

4 The Falcons need a coach.
Obviously. No names have been bandied about yet, but I have a dream. Here is that dream's logic:
Arthur Blank has struck out twice with the "bring in a young guy" approach. He needs a veteran, a proven leader who will receive instant respect in the locker room. Moreover, he now realizes that he chose the wrong side in the Dan Reeves/Michael Vick debate. The biggest name that will be talked about this offseason is Bill Cowher, but Cowher seems unlikely to take on a rebuilding team just a year after leaving a Super Bowl contender. Bill Parcells is too recently retired, he'll need at least a year before he comes back to the league. That leaves one magical solution to all of our problems, fresh off being vindicated after a ridiculous firing and ready to prove himself to the league again.



Bring on Martyball.