Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs!
Well, it's that time the season again, that wonderful time of the year when the greatest regular season in sports is all but invalidated by the most dizzying and illogical postseason ever conceived. That means it is also time for every columnist, beat writer, blogger and hammered guy who just started talking to you at the bar to unveil their "flawed but still an improvement, right?" solution to the soulless system of a bunch of arrogant coaches who watch less than 3% of the games choosing two teams to play in the National Championship.
Everyone has bitched, moaned and shaken their heads in disbelief enough over this issue already, but I gained a whole new perspective on the situation today when I tried to explain it to an 8-year-old who didn't understand why there weren't NCAA football playoffs. I carefully explained the bowl system, the extra time and money involved, and the BCS computers to him for around 7 minutes, at the end of which he looked at me with the upper-class suburban white 8-year-old version of the "what in the fuck" face. Yeah, kid, I know.
All these solution columns are great in theory, but then prove to be repetitive and boring as hell once the author actually delves into the "use the Cotton and CapitalOne Bowl for the first round and give the three-seed a bye so they can take exams and then do the regular BCS bowls plus-one at the Rose Bowl and take away a non-conference game and so on" technical jargon that takes way to long to comprehend for something that isn't gonna happen anyway. But you know what, I'm writing one, because BCS solution columns are like catnip to bored sports fans. So here's my solution to the BCS mess.
We obviously need a playoff. An 8-team playoff seems ideal to a lot of people, but lets be honest, if you are the seventh best team in the nation, you don't deserve a shot at the title. Plus, the most kneejerk, un-thought-out complaint about a playoff, that it would cheapen the regular season, actually holds a slight bit of merit in this one. It could open the door for a bad two-loss or three-loss team to get hot and lucky and play for a national championship, much like how the wild-card has provided us with some of the most uninteresting championships in pro sports in recent years (I'm looking at you, Pittsburgh Steelers).
Ideally, though, a 6-team playoff would be the way to go. This allows the #1 and #2 BCS teams to earn a bye while the teams with lesser claims to the throne beat the hell out of each other in the first round, giving them something for finishing the regular season at the top. Six allows for everyone with a relevant claim to get a shot at the title, because, honestly, if you are the seventh best team at the end of the season, you don't deserve a shot. Here's how the format works.
Four automatic bids go to the winners of the SEC, Big Twelve, Big Ten, and either the Pac-10 or ACC, depending on the record of the team that beat USC that year. If a .500 or better team beat them, Pac-10 gets the bid. Under-.500, ACC gets it. If a 6-6 team beats USC, then Matt Leinhart and Joey Hamilton have a drinking contest to decide the bid. The remaining two bids are at-large.
The Big East is never allowed to receive automatic bids. The Big East is no longer allowed to be considered a BCS Conference. The Big East is garbage.
Conferences without title games are not allowed first-round byes.
If Ohio State draws an SEC or Pac-10 team, the game counts as a bye and Ohio State is forced to play the best available non-BCS-conference team as an exhibition game. Ohio State must win 4 out of 5 of these games to get off BCS probation.
The Hiesman trophy winner must wear a gold jersey with "Heisman" on the back for the duration of the bowl season. Heisman trophy winners who blow national championship games (Jason White) or are outperformed by competitors (Reggie Bush vs. Vince Young) can be stripped of the trophy.
Notre Dame is allowed at-large bids on the condition that if they lose by more than 14 points an opposing linebacker can perform the wrestling move of his choice on the leprechaun and a randomly chosen fan is allowed to punch Charlie Weis in the gut. Both events will take place at midfield with Del Shannon's "Do You Wanna Dance" playing over the PA system.
The college football championship system may never be perfect, but with these guidelines in place, it should at least be as entertaining as watching Oklahoma get blown out as a single tear falls from Sam Bradford's weird face.
Everyone has bitched, moaned and shaken their heads in disbelief enough over this issue already, but I gained a whole new perspective on the situation today when I tried to explain it to an 8-year-old who didn't understand why there weren't NCAA football playoffs. I carefully explained the bowl system, the extra time and money involved, and the BCS computers to him for around 7 minutes, at the end of which he looked at me with the upper-class suburban white 8-year-old version of the "what in the fuck" face. Yeah, kid, I know.
All these solution columns are great in theory, but then prove to be repetitive and boring as hell once the author actually delves into the "use the Cotton and CapitalOne Bowl for the first round and give the three-seed a bye so they can take exams and then do the regular BCS bowls plus-one at the Rose Bowl and take away a non-conference game and so on" technical jargon that takes way to long to comprehend for something that isn't gonna happen anyway. But you know what, I'm writing one, because BCS solution columns are like catnip to bored sports fans. So here's my solution to the BCS mess.
We obviously need a playoff. An 8-team playoff seems ideal to a lot of people, but lets be honest, if you are the seventh best team in the nation, you don't deserve a shot at the title. Plus, the most kneejerk, un-thought-out complaint about a playoff, that it would cheapen the regular season, actually holds a slight bit of merit in this one. It could open the door for a bad two-loss or three-loss team to get hot and lucky and play for a national championship, much like how the wild-card has provided us with some of the most uninteresting championships in pro sports in recent years (I'm looking at you, Pittsburgh Steelers).
Ideally, though, a 6-team playoff would be the way to go. This allows the #1 and #2 BCS teams to earn a bye while the teams with lesser claims to the throne beat the hell out of each other in the first round, giving them something for finishing the regular season at the top. Six allows for everyone with a relevant claim to get a shot at the title, because, honestly, if you are the seventh best team at the end of the season, you don't deserve a shot. Here's how the format works.
Four automatic bids go to the winners of the SEC, Big Twelve, Big Ten, and either the Pac-10 or ACC, depending on the record of the team that beat USC that year. If a .500 or better team beat them, Pac-10 gets the bid. Under-.500, ACC gets it. If a 6-6 team beats USC, then Matt Leinhart and Joey Hamilton have a drinking contest to decide the bid. The remaining two bids are at-large.
The Big East is never allowed to receive automatic bids. The Big East is no longer allowed to be considered a BCS Conference. The Big East is garbage.
Conferences without title games are not allowed first-round byes.
If Ohio State draws an SEC or Pac-10 team, the game counts as a bye and Ohio State is forced to play the best available non-BCS-conference team as an exhibition game. Ohio State must win 4 out of 5 of these games to get off BCS probation.
The Hiesman trophy winner must wear a gold jersey with "Heisman" on the back for the duration of the bowl season. Heisman trophy winners who blow national championship games (Jason White) or are outperformed by competitors (Reggie Bush vs. Vince Young) can be stripped of the trophy.
Notre Dame is allowed at-large bids on the condition that if they lose by more than 14 points an opposing linebacker can perform the wrestling move of his choice on the leprechaun and a randomly chosen fan is allowed to punch Charlie Weis in the gut. Both events will take place at midfield with Del Shannon's "Do You Wanna Dance" playing over the PA system.
The college football championship system may never be perfect, but with these guidelines in place, it should at least be as entertaining as watching Oklahoma get blown out as a single tear falls from Sam Bradford's weird face.
posted by MisterT3000 at
11:39 PM
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